"Oh if life is but a dream, let me take control of mine"
If you’ve ever taken a chance, packed your bags, and uprooted on a whim, you belong to a special club; an elite society of people who knew that the place where they were is not where they were supposed to be. Call it intuition, I suppose, but it doesn’t quite work that way. It never made sense to me, but I was dead set on doing it anyway.
I moved out of New York in 2010 with a purpose. The wounds from my stepmother’s passing were still fresh, and I set forth on an outlandish spirit quest. I had decided that I was going to create one of the greatest rock and roll albums in history.
Now, when you put that kind of a pressure on yourself, you can achieve amazing results. Most of the time, though, our natural human reaction is just to go a little haywire. That’s okay! Haywire is good for the psyche sometimes. You can shake everything loose and start over with a clean slate.
At first, I looked to the Colorado mountains. At 10,000 feet, I found the lack of oxygen that Hunter S. Thompson had thrived in and quickly found my bearings. I laid the foundation for my plot up there, recording acoustic demos of dozens and dozens of songs. This was my road map.
Los Angeles called shortly after, and I was ready for her. I was always drawn to this seedy damsel of a town, and my first flirtation with her left me with an absolute hunger to seduce her. I wanted to get familiar with every inch of this tall glass of water. I don’t think I’ve ever been so full of hope as I was back then.
The stage was set. I got to work with some of the most talented musicians I have ever had the privilege of knowing. We were making magic. There were always small obstacles, but the feeling that the music was going right never changed. Eventually, things went off the rails in 2012, when I found myself in the middle of the desert, with substantial amounts of debt, and nothing to show for it. The entire record had been essentially deleted by a bitter man who was clinging to his last bit of glory, blind to the real glory that was happening all around him.
Four years later, as I sit in my California apartment, nearing the fruition of that goal that I set out to accomplish, I don’t even believe that it’s happening. I probably won’t for a long time. I don’t deserve the blessings and the people that I’ve met in my life, but I am certainly thankful that they have found me, even under the most unlikely circumstances.